When the fingers of others cause you to be triggered forever.
In the blink of an eye my heart is pounding,my chest is aching, my stomach is fluttering and my mind has taken three trips around the universe. I have gotten better with identifying moments that I am triggered but it still sucks.
I’m learning to talk through triggering moments so that I won’t bottle it up for too long. That’s exactly why I’m writing this blog directly in my triggered state.
I would describe myself as an emotional sponge. Sometimes it’s very overwhelming because I feel the weight of the world. Im a very passionate and sensitive person and I feel every emotion deeply.
There’s a story in the news about a 19-year-old girl being raped, murdered and found dead in a freezer in Chicago. The passionate part of me immediately read up on the story because I feel connected as soon as I saw the headline. The sensitive part of me immediately got scared and said “I don’t want to have nightmares about this”. I took some time to process and decided I wouldn’t look into it anymore because it feels very similar to my unwanted experience. Reading the story meant reliving a nightmare for me. I then took part in a discussion with some friends about the story and figured it would help me release my thoughts. It wasn’t until the next day when the story surfaced all over the Internet and I got angry!!!!
Next thing you know I’m going through the motions and I bust into tears because the shit just hurts. There no other way to put it. My heart ached at the thought of someone else being raped. I’m sick of living in a rape culture world. I’m sick of being triggered. I just want to feel normal, if that even exists
Well the roller coaster is over and I’ve seemed to calm down a bit. I’m trying to cope the best way I know how. I’m so appreciative of this platform to vent. I’m so happy to own a business that teaches consent culture. I’m so happy to live in my truth and show total transparency. It’s not easy being a survivor. It’s a constant fight for sanity everyday. Its a constant battle to keep healing and growing. This is my beautiful truth though.
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